Expression in Review
2012 was my "Year of Expression." A coworker had inspired me with the concept of "naming your year" with a theme when we were discussing New Year's resolutions, goals, and prayers.
Inspired to do the same, I wrote my own blog post in which I described how 2012 was to be dubbed my "Year of Expression."
Throughout the year, this theme helped focus the decisions I made in how to spend my time and enabled me to give voice to feelings I would have been too afraid to admit previously. Most of all, the year developed a sense of purpose and direction. "Naming" 2012 was probably the most consciously intentional year of my life.
2012 was also fraught with stress. Because of constant financial strain, work issues, inability to procure better employment, transportation drama, and other high emotional stress inducers in my personal life, I developed shingles by September, my body was so worn out! At 28 years old! (Shingles is absolutely horrid.) Through it all, though, there was a theme reminding me how to focus.
Expressed Feelings: I cried out to God in my distress more often, tried on a few choice curse words, took up painting, getting massages, going to the gym, and dropped many activities that were distracting me from priorities. I confronted friends and family when I was hurt, declared my love in the face of assured rejection, and poured out affirmation in letters as I had intended.
Lesson Learned: God delights in being in relationship with us, even in its messy stages. When I am grumpy, stressed, angry, confused, scared, (ie: all the times Christians normally feel like they need to "get themselves together" before approaching God), not only can I come to God as I am, but I can rant and cry to Him! A loving Father does not dismiss his hurting child to suck it up, or keep a stiff upper lip even though life is crumbling. God comforts and gives strength, listening, giving wisdom, sometimes disciplining, but always listening and always understanding that we are "just dust" and that the world is broken.
Expressed Gifts: The year was extremely productive! My paintings and a sculpture were displayed in a women's art show in the gallery at our church and I had my first paid public speaking opportunity! (I didn't know I was being paid until after I finished speaking and they handed me the money.) I attended St. Louis Writers Guild events with a new friend and sent my children's story manuscripts out to a few agents. I started writing more regularly on this blog! Singing and cello opportunities waned a bit due to transportation difficulty, but I continued to play my cello with the band once a month at church.
Lesson Learned: I am meant to use the gifts and talents God has given me! This seems obvious, but often I get bogged down with over spiritualizing my purpose. I think, "In order to 'give God the glory due to His name' I must wander the world in sack-cloth converting people to Christ!" We may not put it in those exact words, but Christians seem to forget that Jesus' stories deal mainly in the minute day to day of life: Giving water to a thirsty visitor, following God's commandments, having faith of a child, if given resources (time, money, talents, gifts) don't go burying it in a hole, and especially living "quiet lives" in love so that we may win the respect of outsiders (1 Thess. 4:11-12). God delights in the fact that I fold receipts at a homeless shelter, improv in a worship band for a small church service, and paint mediocre paintings "as if unto the Lord and not man".
Expressed Life: Last year reminded me again that God is honored when I choose to follow him despite suffering. He is glorified when I shepherd a friend through difficult times, or create a work of art that delights people. My life has purpose when I CHOOSE to live, waking up every day to face the unknown. Choosing to follow him one step at a time by singing, playing my cello, listening to a friend, blessing a stranger, faithfully cleaning the bathroom for the umpteenth time, and meeting difficulty with honesty, all bring God glory.
Lesson Learned: My Year of Expression was about learning to voice Life with all its sinewy and convoluted mannerisms. I sometimes allow the world or my fears to stifle my Voice which manifests not only through my physical voice, but through my feelings, music, art, dance, and written words. In 2012, I learned how much more vibrant life is when I express myself as God intended.
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