Losing the Weight of Shame
In my journey, I've been focusing more on seeking joy in my body. These are some free-flowing thoughts to express a few thoughts I have had along the way:
There is so much SHAME out there from every direction. All the "how tos" of "losing weight" and "never good enoughs" drown out the joy that is eating powerful, life-giving foods and doing exhilarating things that one loves!
Walking, riding my bike, dancing, Pilates, canoeing etc are things I can't wait to do! I don't run for exercise, because I despise running unless absolutely necessary. I say, pursue activities that make you feel happy to be alive and thankful for your body!
Do you ever marvel in awe at the way your body moves? Study human anatomy and physiology, and you will discover that the simplest move of a muscle requires an intricate chain reaction of minute proportions. One tiny malfunction, and the whole system train wrecks. It is astounding that any of us function "normally" at all! Even with the hazards of the universe- everything from accidents to mutations, most of humanity can touch, smell, see, hear, taste, move, and express emotions without any impediment. Our bodies are amazing. It is painful and sad when something goes amiss and our bodies don't work properly.
Why do I shame my body for everything it ISN'T, when there is so much more that it IS?
We can touch ocean waves, or smell grandma's pie baking in the oven! We can hear symphonies and birds chirping, or see ants crawling along the hot pavement as we walk across the grocery store parking lot. We can cry at the loss of a friend, or laugh at a funny joke, and learn and grow.
We obsess and oppress over the number we read on a scale. All of a person's worth-and mind-and soul, encircled by the girth in inches.
We try to drown out the marvel of our body-soul selves and avoid life by camping out on the living room sofa. If we don't move, maybe we can pretend our bodies don't exist. Hide.
Where is the joy? Your body is not beautiful or marvelous because it holds you in it. It is beautiful and marvelous because it is YOU! We are not disconnected. Even in the Christian tradition, although death separates us from our bodies momentarily, when Jesus returns and sets all things right, we will be reunited with our bodies! All fixed up and brand-spankin' new, but still, our bodies.
It is time to focus on repairing the disconnect that exists.
These are some things I have done to create a peace in my skin to counteract my inner negative talk and the overbearing shame that the culture places on our bodies:
I eat things that are healthy and good for energy, but also delicious! Once in a while, I eat something delicious and utterly unhealthy just for the hell of it. I am sllloooowwllyy learning to cook. I am slowly learning to enjoy eating. I am even more slowly learning to enjoy cooking. I fill my life with physical activities that make me feel happy in my body, like dancing, canoeing, hugging, Pilates, horseback riding, walking, playing cello, singing, playing with a dog, or decorating a house. I am seeking to increase my joy in this marvelous body of mine!
In pursuing this path, I notice an increase in strength, endurance, and a freedom from worries about other people's opinions of my body. I am happy and strong! (HAPPY!!!) I am alive! Losing the weight of shame is the most life-giving result of my journey thus far. Motivated by shame, we spend so much time and thought beating our bodies into submission, like it is some alien enemy to be conquered and not our own selves. Shame is an easy tool to use in judgement against other people too. Idolizing body Perfection or hiding behind body Denial are equally soul sucking paths, heavy laden with shame. Instead, embrace life/activity/health IN your amazing body-soul-self and be motivated by JOY! Spread the joy!
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