The Orchid Journal

'At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?.... May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord," she said. "You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servant girls."' Ruth 2:10,13

This song is from the movie, "Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron." Don't laugh- I LOVE this movie and this song makes me cry every time- so encouraging for me. Sound the Bugle by Bryan Adams

1. This day is absolutely beautiful! Beautiful, beautiful.... 2. I played "my" new cello yesterday. I felt extremely rusty as I have technically not really played much at all since the end of May. In June I went on a road trip, July I was packing and moving and then I sold my cello. A guy in my church who plays for the worship team let me play his cello after church one Sunday, and when I went to dinner at a friend's house two weeks ago, she let me play her cello, but that is the extent of how much I have played since August. My uncle and my cousins really enjoyed hearing me play yesterday. I enjoyed playing it even more! I am so relieved to have access to a cello. Good timing too- I need to start practicing for my Tucson best friend's wedding and my mind is so befuddled this week. Playing my cello has always helped me "re-center" myself, after praying of course. Praise God!!! 3. I am nervous about tomorrow night. Why is not knowing HOW things will ch...

These are five random things on my mind today: 1. I am thinking of my family. My little nephew Zacharias (Bess and Aaron's baby) had a fall photo shoot- so cute!! Also, my older bro and his wife are expecting #4. This is my family thus far: Esteemed parental units, Jonathan and Jennifer. Siblings and their chillins: Mike and Daniele- Anna, Cate (catherine), Noah and (#4). Erica and Charlie- Henry and William. Bess and Aaron- Zach (zacharias). And my youngest brother, Brendan, who thankfully is not married as he is only 14 and better NOT beat me to the alter! 2. I am thankful for an older brother with good taste in friends. Strangely enough since I have been back I have crossed paths with two of his past friends- Greg Johnson who is now the Associate Pastor of our church and Bob Stulac, son of Sr pastor of our church. Greg, besides being a familiar face to ease the adjustment process has been super nice and welcoming and is my small group leader, and Bob, who I just saw tod...

Ruth loved well. I wonder now if that is why I have been drawn to her all these years. If you pare down the story to the basic motives of Ruth, then she followed Naomi to Bethlehem because she loved her mother-in-law, for love, she chose to forsake her people's gods and follow YAHWEH, for love she worked hard in the fields to provide for herself and Naomi, she loved Boaz and married him. It could be argued that she did all of this and married Boaz for duty alone. There is a large amount of duty and service in this story, but I find it hard to ignore the fact that Ruth's duty to her mother-in-law was fulfilled and she could have left her side along with Orpah at the beginning. Ruth could have followed Naomi to Bethlehem without taking YHWH as her God, so she must have grown to love God too. And when Boaz says to Ruth, "You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor." to me, this indicates that she had the option to NOT choose Boaz which says to me, ...

Wow...WOW! Do I feel loved today? Um, yes...YES, I do! First of all, this week, God has really been showing me his love in little ways every day that have been wonderful. Last night, I felt quite loved by my small group and woke up this morning feeling encouraged. THEN, I went upstairs and there on the dining room chair I usually sit on, was a large box addressed to ME!! There was no return address except for the name and address of "The Fruit Company." Of course I opened it right away and then just stood there staring into the box. There was a a beautiful gift basket inside- one of those fancy ones all wrapped up like a still life- with nuts, FRUIT, candy, dried fruit- all displayed with a green ribbon tied around it! My first reaction was that I wanted to cry, but I was still too surprised to cry. I searched around the bottom of the box for the card. I opened it and was shocked again. The only words on the card were, "You are loved." No name, no explan...

My friend from small group is hosting a Halloween party soon and as I LOVE getting dressed up, I am so going. Unfortunately, I have no idea what to BE and I have limited resources. First I wanted to be a Bollywood movie star because I love Indian culture and I have always wanted to wear a saree/sari, but 7 yards of fabric is kind of pricey! Then I thought I could just paint my face so I looked online for ideas and saw one of a simple lotus flower design that struck me. I have a small lotus flower hair comb that I have been wearing often lately so I thought, "Hmmm...why I am being drawn to lotus flowers lately? I wonder what they symbolize?" Soooo....I looked it up and was speechless when I read this: "Lotus flowers...represent having gone through a hard time and the person is now coming out of it. Like the flower they have been at the bottom in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above this to display an object of beauty or a life of beauty as t...

When I discovered I had a milk intolerence, I dealt pretty well with the change. Cheese was probably the hardest to avoid since it is quite prevalent in American food, but ice cream wasn't my favorite desert anyway. I prefer fruit ice pops or italian ices. (Although, I do love mint chocolate chip ice cream.) Milk in my cereal or in a glass was suddenly out of the question, but I discovered that rice milk tastes way better to me than normal milk, so the change was welcome. Thankfully, after my high school years, I grew out of my milk intolerance to the extent that I can eat cheese in SMALL quantities and for some reason, I can eat tons of yogurt! (I love yogurt!) But I still drink rice milk and have to avoid ice-cream. Eggs are an allergy that I have not grown out of in the least. I should probably say I have an egg intolerance because I can eat eggs that are baked into cakes and it doesn't bother me at all. However, if I eat a plain egg, a quiche, a custard (think mer...

Often, I get an urge to write when I am not sure what I am going to say. Postings like "Pardon My French," "On Being Alone," "Now Hear This" and "Overcome" started that way. I feel this rising within my spirit like some voice is coming up within me needing to declare itself...always my own voice, not some freaky "other" or anything, just a part of me that doesn't otherwise get expressed if I don't give myself the space and freedom to allow it to come out. When I am able to put words to these rising inklings, the experience usually results in more freedom and confidence. The feeling is as if what I said or wrote had some grander purpose to being expressed than only putting words on a page. This moment, I sat down to write about another intangeable "something." Throughout my life, I have gotten these feelings/senses that I can't quite describe without sounding too mystical and odd. I can compare it to the same q...

I feel blah today. I am not looking forward to giving my student her cello lesson because I feel stuck, like I am not really doing a good job as her teacher. I am feeling really discouraged about the fact that God is not bringing me a full-time job. Most days I can remain hopeful and continue searching/applying, but some days I can't even think about jobs. What REALLY has been annoying me lately is TALKING about jobs with people. I appreciate everyone's desire to help me think of options, but after ten months of applying in two different states and having conversations with 100 different people about how horrible the "job market" is, how "this economy" is effecting everyone, how "there are more qualified people than you who have been having a harder time," I just can't take it anymore! UUUGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Can someone just discuss MUSIC or ART, HORSES, or even the reasons why you love yellow gumballs over green ones with me??? I DON'T ...

Blood drips from the end of my sword, down the blade onto my clenched fingers as I raise my arm and glare victoriously out across the silent valley. Finally, silence! Only Death weeps. It has lost the battle. I grin, throw my head back and laugh. I laugh long and hard until the Shadows slink shamefully away. After the retreating forms I shout, "Take that, bastards!" And I laugh some more, relieved. Relieved that I am stronger than I expected. Relieved that the Enemy is more of a coward than I, that the battle is over, for now, and I feel the sun breaking through the clouds 1 Jn 4:4 and Jn 16:33

(photo by Laelia Watt) On Sunday while laying on a blanket in the grass at the park, I thought a lot about the Lord's prayer. In my new church (Memorial Presbyterian) we pray the prayer as a congregation at some point every service. There are a million reasons I love my new church and reciting this prayer and doing communion every time we meet are two of those reasons. In the past, when I read the section of the Bible where the disciples ask Jesus how they should pray and Jesus responds with this prayer, I always wondered why He chose these particular phrases and themes. Knowing that everything Jesus said or did was purposeful and quite deep and beautiful, I figured it was not something he just threw together to give the disciples a mantra to recite. For the past ten months, my life has been turned and jostled in ways I never would have imagined- inability to procure a full-time job, no more school (thank GOD!), diagnosis of PCOS, move to St. Louis (PRAISE, PRAISE GOD!!),...

Wandering the quiet, low-lit halls, alone with my thoughts; I study the fascinating subjects, rich colors, brushstrokes, and read the sensuous descriptions of the paintings before me. The sculptures, with their smooth, marble surfaces cut expertly into folds of lace and seemingly rippling muscle or soft skin make it difficult to heed the warning signs, "DO NOT TOUCH!" THere are paintings of soft sunset light caressing contemplative faces and grand vistas of cool, breathtaking lands. I want to dance with the joyful dancing man on the ferry-boat in the American art section or bathe with the figures in the Impressionist's. The human body is probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen- a few of the paintings make me proud that I am a woman with the same womanly mystery and grace. In the Egyptian display, even death is made beautiful. I leave with an intense desire to roll down the luscious green grass on Art Hill and swim in the cool fountain. The sun feel...