Springtime?
Often, I get an urge to write when I am not sure what I am going to say. Postings like "Pardon My French," "On Being Alone," "Now Hear This" and "Overcome" started that way. I feel this rising within my spirit like some voice is coming up within me needing to declare itself...always my own voice, not some freaky "other" or anything, just a part of me that doesn't otherwise get expressed if I don't give myself the space and freedom to allow it to come out. When I am able to put words to these rising inklings, the experience usually results in more freedom and confidence. The feeling is as if what I said or wrote had some grander purpose to being expressed than only putting words on a page.
This moment, I sat down to write about another intangeable "something." Throughout my life, I have gotten these feelings/senses that I can't quite describe without sounding too mystical and odd. I can compare it to the same quickening in my spirit that comes at the end of winter, just before Spring comes full force as the first crocus breaks throught the ground. This feeling always precedes an important lesson or more often, some big change, a good one, that is to come.
I felt this quickening, "Springtime," something big is going to happen, sense before I went on the road trip this summer and which ultimately drew me back to St. Louis. On the way to church one Saturday evening, I had this feeling again to the point that I had to pray, "Okay, Lord, I sense that this service is going to be unusual for some reason...I hope it is a good thing..." That night, the sermon spoke into things that God had been teaching me in Tucson. It was like God sat next to me that night and said, "Laelia, this is what I was doing all that time. It was painful, I know, but now do you see?" I did, and could not stop crying! I cried and cried the whole sermon and after...cried to a friend...cried as I wrote in my journal about it later and went to bed that night...andit resulted in healing and peace.
The reason I am writing about this now is because I simultaneously had the "Springtime" feeling coupled with the "must write from this intangeable voice" feeling. So, I apologize that this makes no sense whatsoever. The rising need to write about an obscure "something important is going to happen" feeling makes for a rather ambiguous topic. haha
But for some reason, I wanted to document this moment. I feel as if I am waiting for something monumentous, something beautiful, that will bring joy, life and gladness...but I have no idea what it is! Kind of random....also exciting...and a tad scary. All I can do is pray and trust God that, like all the other times, this too, will be a "good thing."
This moment, I sat down to write about another intangeable "something." Throughout my life, I have gotten these feelings/senses that I can't quite describe without sounding too mystical and odd. I can compare it to the same quickening in my spirit that comes at the end of winter, just before Spring comes full force as the first crocus breaks throught the ground. This feeling always precedes an important lesson or more often, some big change, a good one, that is to come.
I felt this quickening, "Springtime," something big is going to happen, sense before I went on the road trip this summer and which ultimately drew me back to St. Louis. On the way to church one Saturday evening, I had this feeling again to the point that I had to pray, "Okay, Lord, I sense that this service is going to be unusual for some reason...I hope it is a good thing..." That night, the sermon spoke into things that God had been teaching me in Tucson. It was like God sat next to me that night and said, "Laelia, this is what I was doing all that time. It was painful, I know, but now do you see?" I did, and could not stop crying! I cried and cried the whole sermon and after...cried to a friend...cried as I wrote in my journal about it later and went to bed that night...andit resulted in healing and peace.
The reason I am writing about this now is because I simultaneously had the "Springtime" feeling coupled with the "must write from this intangeable voice" feeling. So, I apologize that this makes no sense whatsoever. The rising need to write about an obscure "something important is going to happen" feeling makes for a rather ambiguous topic. haha
But for some reason, I wanted to document this moment. I feel as if I am waiting for something monumentous, something beautiful, that will bring joy, life and gladness...but I have no idea what it is! Kind of random....also exciting...and a tad scary. All I can do is pray and trust God that, like all the other times, this too, will be a "good thing."
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