My "Job" Years- That's with with a long "O"
I moved to Tucson in Fall 2005. I started calling my time in Tucson "my Job years" in 2006. The immense amount of stress, loss, spiritual and physical attack, change and depression I felt by the end of that year made me step back one day and think to myself, "I can now identify with Job. And through all this, I have seen God, like Job did." I even printed out a portion of verses from the book of Job that completely encapsulated my experience. I framed the paper and kept it hanging in my living places for the remaining of my years in Tucson- my bedroom in the house on Adams, bedroom in my parents' house while I was in school and in my kitchen in the Barrio. I packed it carefully into a box to bring with me when I moved to St. Louis and I plan to hang it in my new place here.
This framed quote became a daily reminder, not only of what God had shown me through that horrible time in 2006, but what He would continue to show me through the horrible times that were to follow.
You may think I am being overdramatic. And maybe I am, but I don't think so. One thing I learned during my years in Tucson is this: God is with me.
God was with me when I had little money for food or bills despite working 50-60 hours per week. I often went a few days at a time barely eating a thing and going to work hungry and weak.
God was with me in my car accident that totalled the car I inherited from my dear late grandmother. When I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself, when my grandpa died...when a spiritual leader in my life lied, blamed, gave up on his mission and burned me and others so badly, it took two years to recover and forgive him. When my family's life crumbled financially.
When I had no strength to go through the motions of following Christ and told God, "I still long to follow you, but I just don't have the strength to do it anymore," He said to me, "When was it ever by your strength that you were in a relationship with me in the first place?" And for three years, I learned to rest in His precious GRACE and was Healed by His patient pursuit.
God was with me when he filled my life with more goodness than I could have imagined: finishing my BA degree, training horses, riding, art, dance, sewing, writing classes, playing/singing vast quanties of music for churches and weddings all over Tucson, watching my dear little sis get married to a godly man, watching both my best friends from High school get married, getting to know my maternal grandmother in a deeper way, befriending my bosom buddy Hilary and watching her love story unfold as well...
And God was with me when he disciplined me and challenged me to deal with sin in my life
And He was with me when He taught me how to forgive and face the sin in other's lives which had hurt me
And He taught me a confidence and faith that I had never known before.
God was with me and my family when my brother in law was lying in an ICU bed for a month. We waited to hear if he he would live at all, let alone have brain damage...
I saw God when my dear sis was standing in the hospital hallway with tears in her eyes and her one month old baby in her arms and she said, "The Lord's will be done."
I saw God in the many outpourings of prayers, visits and gifts that people showered on our families during that time...
God was with me when I was so swamped with school I thought I was never going to make it through. ...And when I fell off the horse two weeks before graduation and I couldn't walk without a cane for a month.
He was with me when I had no work after I graduated, was depressed and health issues reared. I had hateful procedures done and waited for a month to find out if I had cancer or not, while working in a spiritually dark school district... and God gave me the grace and strength to face each day.
He was with me on the road trip I took with friends which allowed me to face my past pain from moving and refocus my life in a new direction and place.
God was with me in my last month in Tucson when I struggled financially. He provided miraculously. I saw God provide in random side jobs, a gracious landlord, generous parents and grandmother. He also provided miraculously, someone to buy my cello in Las Cruces, NM on my way to St. Louis!
He was with me as I prepared to make the move to St. Louis and to move and pack all by myself. I saw God in my friend Layne- who showed up to help me load, and in my mechanic Jeff who prepared my car to be safe for the trip and gave me a discount
In Tucson, those "Job years," I learned to say like Job did after contending with God:
Then Job answered the LORD and said:
“I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
This framed quote became a daily reminder, not only of what God had shown me through that horrible time in 2006, but what He would continue to show me through the horrible times that were to follow.
You may think I am being overdramatic. And maybe I am, but I don't think so. One thing I learned during my years in Tucson is this: God is with me.
God was with me when I had little money for food or bills despite working 50-60 hours per week. I often went a few days at a time barely eating a thing and going to work hungry and weak.
God was with me in my car accident that totalled the car I inherited from my dear late grandmother. When I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself, when my grandpa died...when a spiritual leader in my life lied, blamed, gave up on his mission and burned me and others so badly, it took two years to recover and forgive him. When my family's life crumbled financially.
When I had no strength to go through the motions of following Christ and told God, "I still long to follow you, but I just don't have the strength to do it anymore," He said to me, "When was it ever by your strength that you were in a relationship with me in the first place?" And for three years, I learned to rest in His precious GRACE and was Healed by His patient pursuit.
God was with me when he filled my life with more goodness than I could have imagined: finishing my BA degree, training horses, riding, art, dance, sewing, writing classes, playing/singing vast quanties of music for churches and weddings all over Tucson, watching my dear little sis get married to a godly man, watching both my best friends from High school get married, getting to know my maternal grandmother in a deeper way, befriending my bosom buddy Hilary and watching her love story unfold as well...
And God was with me when he disciplined me and challenged me to deal with sin in my life
And He was with me when He taught me how to forgive and face the sin in other's lives which had hurt me
And He taught me a confidence and faith that I had never known before.
God was with me and my family when my brother in law was lying in an ICU bed for a month. We waited to hear if he he would live at all, let alone have brain damage...
I saw God when my dear sis was standing in the hospital hallway with tears in her eyes and her one month old baby in her arms and she said, "The Lord's will be done."
I saw God in the many outpourings of prayers, visits and gifts that people showered on our families during that time...
God was with me when I was so swamped with school I thought I was never going to make it through. ...And when I fell off the horse two weeks before graduation and I couldn't walk without a cane for a month.
He was with me when I had no work after I graduated, was depressed and health issues reared. I had hateful procedures done and waited for a month to find out if I had cancer or not, while working in a spiritually dark school district... and God gave me the grace and strength to face each day.
He was with me on the road trip I took with friends which allowed me to face my past pain from moving and refocus my life in a new direction and place.
God was with me in my last month in Tucson when I struggled financially. He provided miraculously. I saw God provide in random side jobs, a gracious landlord, generous parents and grandmother. He also provided miraculously, someone to buy my cello in Las Cruces, NM on my way to St. Louis!
He was with me as I prepared to make the move to St. Louis and to move and pack all by myself. I saw God in my friend Layne- who showed up to help me load, and in my mechanic Jeff who prepared my car to be safe for the trip and gave me a discount
In Tucson, those "Job years," I learned to say like Job did after contending with God:
Then Job answered the LORD and said:
“I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
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