Segments from "A Discourse on Hands"
(These are segments from a piece I wrote for my non-fiction class-We had to write about an obsession, talk it up as much as we could in a sensory manner and include research, so I tied my "obsession" with hands to the overall importance of the sense of touch. It is more than 10 pages, so I just included a few parts)
Hands are one of the most sensitive areas of the body. Not only are there over one hundred touch receptors on each fingertip which allow you to feel even the raised letters from the ink on this page, but hands are useful for wielding a hammer, playing an instrument, threading a needle, throwing a football, and hurting, helping or caressing another person....
My dad's hands are strong and stocky and very rough. He is a horticulturist, so all his life he has worked in the sun and rain. Working in the dirt, shoveling and raking and spraying has made his hands incredibly strong, with cracks and scratches and calluses on them from the manual labor. The ring finger on his left hand is only half. When I was a child, my dad was working with a saws-all and the blade slipped and cut off his finger. Not long ago, he was walking on a pile of gravel, slipped and his hands flew out to catch his fall, but that little finger got jammed on a rock and broke. My dad had to wear a splint on that poor beat up finger for a while, but even when it healed, he couldn't move it as well as before. My mom's hands are quiet and olive toned. They are gentle hands, a little bigger than mine, slightly wrinkled and always clean. Unlike my dad's perpetually dirty rock solid hands, my mom has smooth pink palms, close trimmed white fingernails and cushioned, soft, velvety skin. Her fingers move nimbly over the keys on her flute and hold a paintbrush delicately when she is working on her artwork. I remember sitting with her on the couch when I was a young teenager and I was playing with her hands, moving the malleable skin around, noticing small sun spots, admiring her silver and turquoise rings and realizing my mom's hands were as familiar to me as the look of her face.
I know the hands of everyone who is close to me: Michael, my older brother's are very white and bony, with long slender fingers and lots of black hairs on them. My sisters' hands look at lot like my mom's hands with some characteristic differences. My older sister, Erica's hands are whiter and she wears simple and modern silver rings, her fingernails are more tapered, but she keeps them cleanly cut like my mom does. My younger sister's hands are less white than Erica's, having some of the olive in her skin tone like my mom, but her fingers are slightly thicker, looking like they still have some leftover baby fat on them, though the rest of her body is slim. Brendan, my younger brother at thirteen, has enormous hands, already dwarfing my dad's and gaining in strength and meatiness, but they are white and soft. The hands of my best friends, grandparents, cousins, guys I had crushes on, fellow orchestra or band members as they played their instruments- I could relate them all in great visual detail including how they looked when moving or what jewelry they were wearing...
Humans need touch more than the American society as a whole is willing to admit. There is a quote from a movie called, “Crash” that typifies our need for touch:
“In any real city you walk, ya know, you brush past people, people bump into to you.In LA nobody touches you - we're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much - that we crash into each just so we can feel something.”
Americans in general have an aversion to simple forms of touch, preferring to respect others' “bubbles” and not wanting to appear overtly sexual. Ironically, some psychologists suggest that Americans' awkwardness when it comes to simple forms of non-sexual, physical affection contributes to our obsession with sex. Humans need touch to survive and to be healthy mentally and physically, but without enough of it as in the case of most Americans' lives, people resort to extreme measures and, “just to feel something,” spend every moment of the day inundated with sexual images in advertisements, insinuating sexual acts in jokes and conversation and acting them out with various and a sundry partners.
This may seem like a stretch to assume that Americans are not "touchy" enough, but I think it is evident in our resulting behaviors and attitudes and many studies come to the same conclusion....
In other countries, it is more common to make contact with people throughout any given day. People in every major country were studied based on how many times two people touched each other during the course of a short conversation; the kinds of touch included patting on the shoulder, a hug in greeting or departing, a handshake, platonic kisses, resting a hand on the arm etc. In South American countries and African countries and even many European countries except for England, the subjects made contact over one hundred times, while Americans only twice.....
The sense of touch is the only sense that we would die without. If a baby or adult loses the sense of sight, smell, hearing or tasting, adjustments to the way of life can be made and the person can function well in the world. Without the sense of touch, however, we would not be able to feel our bodies at all, so standing would be impossible, let alone sitting up or walking. We would not be able to feel the tongue in the mouth to talk, or feel our mouths at all to chew food. Without the sense of touch, humans would not be able to determine if their body is freezing, on fire or being speared with thorns....
Touch relieves stress and communicates in ways that mere words can't. It is amazing how much touch affects my state of well being more than words do. One night, I was very upset, feeling overwhelmed and lonely and my parents kept trying to assure me that I was loved and cared for. I knew this in my head, and I tried to let the information and their words ease my troubled heart, but it just wasn't sinking in, until my mom, not usually a very affectionate person, suspected what may get the message across clearer. She purposefully got up, walked around the table, and put her arms around me in a hug. Without consciously reacting, I immediately felt my entire body relax inside and my mind eased and I felt loved. Another night, after a particularly bad and stressful day, I went to the movies with a couple of friends even though I didn't think I could be very relaxed. As soon as I walked up, a girl-friend came up and greeted me with a friendly hug, and again, I felt my stress dissipate and I was so thankful and was immediately happier....
Hands are my favorite part of the body. Most people, when noticing physical attributes of a member of the opposite sex, they are attracted to a combination of the eyes, smiles or body shape, height or hair color, but I would add....hands. I love to look at men's hands and I especially like them when they are long and slender and strong, but any kind are interesting to observe...
I have discovered that the habit that annoys me beyond description, and makes me nauseous, is the biting of fingernails. I want to smack a person's hands if they sit next to me and perform this desecration to their fingers. If I sit next to them during class, I can't concentrate on the lecture as they diligently work away their fingernails to nubs. If it is a guy chewing on his fingernails I am not attracted to him in the least. I have even caught myself checking a man's fingernails before I continue in being interested in him. If his fingernails are clean cut, he's a catch! If they are ragged and chewed down to the skin, or grossly long and dirty, I run away....
If we were born without the sense of touch, our brains would not even be stimulated enough by the feel of our parents' hands, nor could a baby feel the nipple of the mother's breast or a bottle to elicit the nursing reflex, so death would be imminent... I came across an experiment that had been done decades ago, before humane restrictions were put on such things. Two babies who were not wanted by the mothers were put into two separate rooms. A nurse went in every day to feed and change each baby, but one of the babies would get lots of smiles and rubbing and touching while the other one was dealt with unemotionally and only touched to move the diaper from off the bum. That baby died within a few days. Without touch, humans will die or be severally underdeveloped when they are older. Children who grow up with little or no physical affection, have trouble making connections with other people when they are older and are mentally underdeveloped...
In an improvisational dance class, my classmates and I ran around the room acting out scenes and dancing wildly without saying a word to one another. Often, our antics would require crawling over each other and holding hands. One of the days we all played silly games on the UA mall. Red Rover required us to stand in two lines holding hands. I stood at the end of a line next to a tall guy with nice long fingered, strong hands. Since we were at the end, no one from the other line ran over to try to break though our grip, so I stood there innocently holding hands for at least twenty minutes straight with this guy I hardly knew, and it was wonderful. I wasn't attracted to the guy, but it was so calming and comfortable to be holding hands with him, his warm, dry, strong hand holding mine. It was the only time in my life I had held hands with a guy and it was for a game! If anything, it made me look forward to when I can hold hands with a man I know and love....
A lot can be determined by the look of hands. You can guess what type of work a person does by paying attention to calluses, ink stains, cuts, creases in their hands. A string musician will have calluses on only certain fingers of the left hand, a business person or teacher may have smooth, clean hands or a horticulturist hands, like my dad's may be permanently lined with dirt and a mechanic's with grease. Character is shown a lot through the hands. A very emphatic, decisive person may move their hands in bulky more aggressive movements or a quiet person who doesn't want much attention paid to them may hardly move their hands at all or very slightly when talking. A flamboyant or passionate person may wave their arms around dramatically emphasizing their points with the fingers or a relaxed, down to earth person may move their hands languidly and emphasize only certain phrases with stronger movements. Much can be determined by a person's habits from their hands as well. Cigarette stains are obvious. If the fingernails are long, brittle and dirty, or the nails are shorter, cut simply or with fingernail polish or fake nails or if the nails are chewed down to the nub, various assumptions about that person's habits can be made....
I love the feel of hands, whether holding fellow female friends' hands when we are praying for one another or holding a child's hands when we are walking in a crowded place or the feel of man's hands surrounding my own smaller one, or my grandma's warm soft, hands or my dad's rough, solid ones. I love it all, unless, of course, their hands are slimy, or their fingernails are chewed off....
I love that hands can be used as a connection between people in conversation or to tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention, or to show care and concern by laying the hand on an arm. The sense of touch is one of the most important ways we experience our environment and are stimulated emotionally, physically and mentally, forming stronger bonds between loved ones, friends and strangers. The sense of touch permeates our entire existence and without it, we would not be able to function in the world properly. The sense of touch is necessary for relieving stress, building strong emotional connections to the world around us and we would die without it. Run in a meadow and feel the spongy earth beneath your feet; lie in a soft bed and feel the weight of your body pressing down on the mattress; let the water from a stream or faucet run between your fingers or feel droplets trickle slowly down your body; stand in the sun and feel the warmth of the rays and let the breath of the wind caress your face. Instead of holding back out of fear or awkwardness, rest your hand on a shoulder in reassurance, brush your fingers against a stranger's arm to catch their attention instead of calling out to them. Hug a friend and feel the tightening muscle around you and warm skin press against yours, feel their heartbeat or the rising and falling of the ribcage as they breathe. Hold hands with someone you love- or a stranger- and be glad for the gift of touch.
Hands are one of the most sensitive areas of the body. Not only are there over one hundred touch receptors on each fingertip which allow you to feel even the raised letters from the ink on this page, but hands are useful for wielding a hammer, playing an instrument, threading a needle, throwing a football, and hurting, helping or caressing another person....
My dad's hands are strong and stocky and very rough. He is a horticulturist, so all his life he has worked in the sun and rain. Working in the dirt, shoveling and raking and spraying has made his hands incredibly strong, with cracks and scratches and calluses on them from the manual labor. The ring finger on his left hand is only half. When I was a child, my dad was working with a saws-all and the blade slipped and cut off his finger. Not long ago, he was walking on a pile of gravel, slipped and his hands flew out to catch his fall, but that little finger got jammed on a rock and broke. My dad had to wear a splint on that poor beat up finger for a while, but even when it healed, he couldn't move it as well as before. My mom's hands are quiet and olive toned. They are gentle hands, a little bigger than mine, slightly wrinkled and always clean. Unlike my dad's perpetually dirty rock solid hands, my mom has smooth pink palms, close trimmed white fingernails and cushioned, soft, velvety skin. Her fingers move nimbly over the keys on her flute and hold a paintbrush delicately when she is working on her artwork. I remember sitting with her on the couch when I was a young teenager and I was playing with her hands, moving the malleable skin around, noticing small sun spots, admiring her silver and turquoise rings and realizing my mom's hands were as familiar to me as the look of her face.
I know the hands of everyone who is close to me: Michael, my older brother's are very white and bony, with long slender fingers and lots of black hairs on them. My sisters' hands look at lot like my mom's hands with some characteristic differences. My older sister, Erica's hands are whiter and she wears simple and modern silver rings, her fingernails are more tapered, but she keeps them cleanly cut like my mom does. My younger sister's hands are less white than Erica's, having some of the olive in her skin tone like my mom, but her fingers are slightly thicker, looking like they still have some leftover baby fat on them, though the rest of her body is slim. Brendan, my younger brother at thirteen, has enormous hands, already dwarfing my dad's and gaining in strength and meatiness, but they are white and soft. The hands of my best friends, grandparents, cousins, guys I had crushes on, fellow orchestra or band members as they played their instruments- I could relate them all in great visual detail including how they looked when moving or what jewelry they were wearing...
Humans need touch more than the American society as a whole is willing to admit. There is a quote from a movie called, “Crash” that typifies our need for touch:
“In any real city you walk, ya know, you brush past people, people bump into to you.In LA nobody touches you - we're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much - that we crash into each just so we can feel something.”
Americans in general have an aversion to simple forms of touch, preferring to respect others' “bubbles” and not wanting to appear overtly sexual. Ironically, some psychologists suggest that Americans' awkwardness when it comes to simple forms of non-sexual, physical affection contributes to our obsession with sex. Humans need touch to survive and to be healthy mentally and physically, but without enough of it as in the case of most Americans' lives, people resort to extreme measures and, “just to feel something,” spend every moment of the day inundated with sexual images in advertisements, insinuating sexual acts in jokes and conversation and acting them out with various and a sundry partners.
This may seem like a stretch to assume that Americans are not "touchy" enough, but I think it is evident in our resulting behaviors and attitudes and many studies come to the same conclusion....
In other countries, it is more common to make contact with people throughout any given day. People in every major country were studied based on how many times two people touched each other during the course of a short conversation; the kinds of touch included patting on the shoulder, a hug in greeting or departing, a handshake, platonic kisses, resting a hand on the arm etc. In South American countries and African countries and even many European countries except for England, the subjects made contact over one hundred times, while Americans only twice.....
The sense of touch is the only sense that we would die without. If a baby or adult loses the sense of sight, smell, hearing or tasting, adjustments to the way of life can be made and the person can function well in the world. Without the sense of touch, however, we would not be able to feel our bodies at all, so standing would be impossible, let alone sitting up or walking. We would not be able to feel the tongue in the mouth to talk, or feel our mouths at all to chew food. Without the sense of touch, humans would not be able to determine if their body is freezing, on fire or being speared with thorns....
Touch relieves stress and communicates in ways that mere words can't. It is amazing how much touch affects my state of well being more than words do. One night, I was very upset, feeling overwhelmed and lonely and my parents kept trying to assure me that I was loved and cared for. I knew this in my head, and I tried to let the information and their words ease my troubled heart, but it just wasn't sinking in, until my mom, not usually a very affectionate person, suspected what may get the message across clearer. She purposefully got up, walked around the table, and put her arms around me in a hug. Without consciously reacting, I immediately felt my entire body relax inside and my mind eased and I felt loved. Another night, after a particularly bad and stressful day, I went to the movies with a couple of friends even though I didn't think I could be very relaxed. As soon as I walked up, a girl-friend came up and greeted me with a friendly hug, and again, I felt my stress dissipate and I was so thankful and was immediately happier....
Hands are my favorite part of the body. Most people, when noticing physical attributes of a member of the opposite sex, they are attracted to a combination of the eyes, smiles or body shape, height or hair color, but I would add....hands. I love to look at men's hands and I especially like them when they are long and slender and strong, but any kind are interesting to observe...
I have discovered that the habit that annoys me beyond description, and makes me nauseous, is the biting of fingernails. I want to smack a person's hands if they sit next to me and perform this desecration to their fingers. If I sit next to them during class, I can't concentrate on the lecture as they diligently work away their fingernails to nubs. If it is a guy chewing on his fingernails I am not attracted to him in the least. I have even caught myself checking a man's fingernails before I continue in being interested in him. If his fingernails are clean cut, he's a catch! If they are ragged and chewed down to the skin, or grossly long and dirty, I run away....
If we were born without the sense of touch, our brains would not even be stimulated enough by the feel of our parents' hands, nor could a baby feel the nipple of the mother's breast or a bottle to elicit the nursing reflex, so death would be imminent... I came across an experiment that had been done decades ago, before humane restrictions were put on such things. Two babies who were not wanted by the mothers were put into two separate rooms. A nurse went in every day to feed and change each baby, but one of the babies would get lots of smiles and rubbing and touching while the other one was dealt with unemotionally and only touched to move the diaper from off the bum. That baby died within a few days. Without touch, humans will die or be severally underdeveloped when they are older. Children who grow up with little or no physical affection, have trouble making connections with other people when they are older and are mentally underdeveloped...
In an improvisational dance class, my classmates and I ran around the room acting out scenes and dancing wildly without saying a word to one another. Often, our antics would require crawling over each other and holding hands. One of the days we all played silly games on the UA mall. Red Rover required us to stand in two lines holding hands. I stood at the end of a line next to a tall guy with nice long fingered, strong hands. Since we were at the end, no one from the other line ran over to try to break though our grip, so I stood there innocently holding hands for at least twenty minutes straight with this guy I hardly knew, and it was wonderful. I wasn't attracted to the guy, but it was so calming and comfortable to be holding hands with him, his warm, dry, strong hand holding mine. It was the only time in my life I had held hands with a guy and it was for a game! If anything, it made me look forward to when I can hold hands with a man I know and love....
A lot can be determined by the look of hands. You can guess what type of work a person does by paying attention to calluses, ink stains, cuts, creases in their hands. A string musician will have calluses on only certain fingers of the left hand, a business person or teacher may have smooth, clean hands or a horticulturist hands, like my dad's may be permanently lined with dirt and a mechanic's with grease. Character is shown a lot through the hands. A very emphatic, decisive person may move their hands in bulky more aggressive movements or a quiet person who doesn't want much attention paid to them may hardly move their hands at all or very slightly when talking. A flamboyant or passionate person may wave their arms around dramatically emphasizing their points with the fingers or a relaxed, down to earth person may move their hands languidly and emphasize only certain phrases with stronger movements. Much can be determined by a person's habits from their hands as well. Cigarette stains are obvious. If the fingernails are long, brittle and dirty, or the nails are shorter, cut simply or with fingernail polish or fake nails or if the nails are chewed down to the nub, various assumptions about that person's habits can be made....
I love the feel of hands, whether holding fellow female friends' hands when we are praying for one another or holding a child's hands when we are walking in a crowded place or the feel of man's hands surrounding my own smaller one, or my grandma's warm soft, hands or my dad's rough, solid ones. I love it all, unless, of course, their hands are slimy, or their fingernails are chewed off....
I love that hands can be used as a connection between people in conversation or to tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention, or to show care and concern by laying the hand on an arm. The sense of touch is one of the most important ways we experience our environment and are stimulated emotionally, physically and mentally, forming stronger bonds between loved ones, friends and strangers. The sense of touch permeates our entire existence and without it, we would not be able to function in the world properly. The sense of touch is necessary for relieving stress, building strong emotional connections to the world around us and we would die without it. Run in a meadow and feel the spongy earth beneath your feet; lie in a soft bed and feel the weight of your body pressing down on the mattress; let the water from a stream or faucet run between your fingers or feel droplets trickle slowly down your body; stand in the sun and feel the warmth of the rays and let the breath of the wind caress your face. Instead of holding back out of fear or awkwardness, rest your hand on a shoulder in reassurance, brush your fingers against a stranger's arm to catch their attention instead of calling out to them. Hug a friend and feel the tightening muscle around you and warm skin press against yours, feel their heartbeat or the rising and falling of the ribcage as they breathe. Hold hands with someone you love- or a stranger- and be glad for the gift of touch.
Comments
i agree with your commentary on other cultures besides american and their view of touch. i was somewhat surprised when i came to korea how often i was touched. for one, friends walk hand in hand or arm in arm. people are constantly pushing through crowds, so walking down a busy street you are inevitably going to be touched by at least 10 people. on the subway, you'll sit next to a person so closely you'll be hip to hip. and no one thinks twice about it! people aren't afraid to touch strangers. i see strangers approach little kids and give them hugs or pats on the back, which isn't something you see widely acceptable in the States.
i also agree that hands are something i notice early on when i meet people. i don't have as strong an aversion to nail biting as you. mine is usually just dirty fingernails (I don't mind the "i've been working with soil" look-- I actually think that looks nice. I don't like the 'just dirty' look where you have no idea where those hands have been. ew. i don't even like the thought of it.
anyway, this comment is becoming more of a letter : ) love you. love to hear your thoughts.