"Aha" Moment
I was seven or eight years old when I realized that I was alive. Completely unaware of any looming revelation, I was sitting in the backseat of my family's long, blue station wagon that we nicknamed, “The Boat” because of its immense size. My parents joked that driving that huge station wagon was like maneuvering a cruise ship. With the ceiling fabric sagging like the skin of an elderly woman and the very cushioned blue seats, the inside of “The Boat” was reminiscent of my grandmother's lap, cozy, safe and warm. Sitting in the car and looking out the window was where I often did my best thinking.
Waiting in the backseat of the silent car for my mom to come out of the house so we could go run some errands, I contentedly idled away my time by daydreaming. My mind was in deep thought as I contemplated the strange pine trees in our yard. The trunks were the longest and skinniest I had ever seen on a tree in my eight years of experience, and way at the top, beyond the reach of three ladders, there was an odd puff of greenery. There was not a branch or nub to be seen for dozens of feet up the trunk until the lame profusion of pine needles on sparse branches jutted out desperately. Those pine trees always puzzled me. I thought them ridiculously ugly even years after we moved from South Carolina.
At the same time, I watched a squirrel skitter around in our yard then climb part way up the trunk of the pine tree. I had always wondered whether the squirrels ever attempted the nosebleed climb. It seemed a pointless and dangerous endeavor in my mind. It was probably extremely windy at the top, and with hardly any foliage to hang onto, the squirrel would likely be blown off to plunge the hundred feet to the ground. I would have suggested to the squirrel to try a different tree, but he didn't seem to like the idea of climbing much further either, turned, and scampered back down. I had my answer.
In the midst of my musings, I suddenly became aware of myself sitting there in the car, looking out the window, thinking these thoughts. It was almost as if I stepped out of my body and saw myself from outside of the car, like watching my life play out before me on a movie screen when I hadn't even realized I was being filmed. It was an odd feeling. I lingered on this sensation for a while and started thinking about the fact that I was alive. It had never dawned on me! I was alive like the tree and the squirrel, and like the tree and the squirrel, one day my life would end. I was living a unique life and someday I would die. This thought wandered through my mind for a while, and I focused intensely on it, not wanting to forget this new idea. The moment passed when my mom came to the car and started it.
The reality of life and death is a strange concept. More often than not, people walk through their day never once contemplating the brevity of life. It is relegated to the background as an unwelcome, but necessary guest; like a difficult uncle, who must be invited to your wedding since he is part of the family, but is conveniently ignored during all the merriment. His presence is unnerving, but you can't avoid greeting him at some point. So death stands in the shadows waiting to be acknowledged.
(This is a piece I wrote for class this semester. It may someday be a part of a series of similar moments, but so far I just have this one and another I will post later)
Waiting in the backseat of the silent car for my mom to come out of the house so we could go run some errands, I contentedly idled away my time by daydreaming. My mind was in deep thought as I contemplated the strange pine trees in our yard. The trunks were the longest and skinniest I had ever seen on a tree in my eight years of experience, and way at the top, beyond the reach of three ladders, there was an odd puff of greenery. There was not a branch or nub to be seen for dozens of feet up the trunk until the lame profusion of pine needles on sparse branches jutted out desperately. Those pine trees always puzzled me. I thought them ridiculously ugly even years after we moved from South Carolina.
At the same time, I watched a squirrel skitter around in our yard then climb part way up the trunk of the pine tree. I had always wondered whether the squirrels ever attempted the nosebleed climb. It seemed a pointless and dangerous endeavor in my mind. It was probably extremely windy at the top, and with hardly any foliage to hang onto, the squirrel would likely be blown off to plunge the hundred feet to the ground. I would have suggested to the squirrel to try a different tree, but he didn't seem to like the idea of climbing much further either, turned, and scampered back down. I had my answer.
In the midst of my musings, I suddenly became aware of myself sitting there in the car, looking out the window, thinking these thoughts. It was almost as if I stepped out of my body and saw myself from outside of the car, like watching my life play out before me on a movie screen when I hadn't even realized I was being filmed. It was an odd feeling. I lingered on this sensation for a while and started thinking about the fact that I was alive. It had never dawned on me! I was alive like the tree and the squirrel, and like the tree and the squirrel, one day my life would end. I was living a unique life and someday I would die. This thought wandered through my mind for a while, and I focused intensely on it, not wanting to forget this new idea. The moment passed when my mom came to the car and started it.
The reality of life and death is a strange concept. More often than not, people walk through their day never once contemplating the brevity of life. It is relegated to the background as an unwelcome, but necessary guest; like a difficult uncle, who must be invited to your wedding since he is part of the family, but is conveniently ignored during all the merriment. His presence is unnerving, but you can't avoid greeting him at some point. So death stands in the shadows waiting to be acknowledged.
(This is a piece I wrote for class this semester. It may someday be a part of a series of similar moments, but so far I just have this one and another I will post later)
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